If you’re like me you see all these women on pregnancy apps bragging about jumping back in the sack 2 or 3 weeks after popping out a baby. I even saw someone say they had sex IN THE HOSPITAL after delivery. Look ladies, this is not realistic. You just created a human life, shoved it through your coochie, and now have an open wound where a fetus once was. Do NOT feel pressured to jump back under the sheets. Full disclosure- I’m writing this 5 months postpartum and still haven’t had sex! Not because I don’t love my husband, but because I don’t feel like it. Some women will & that is A-okay but know that just because you are cleared at 6 weeks to have sex, does not mean you are ready. Let me say that again-
Just because you are cleared to have sex, does not mean you are ready.
I had never heard about this before experiencing it myself. Phantom cries are when you would bet your last dollar on the fact that your baby is crying; only to look at the bassinet next to you and see a soundly sleeping newborn. This makes it hard to shower, nap, or leave your baby with anyone else because you SWEAR they are crying!
If this happens to you just know, you are not losing your mind- it is a real thing!
I don’t mean like “ugh, they left the dishes in the sink again” kind of anger. No, no, no. This is that “I’m calling a divorce lawyer, packing mine & the baby’s bags, and moving to Mexico” kind of anger.
It’s normal to feel like you hate your partner. It is. Does it give you a free pass to treat them poorly? No. Unless they left the dishes in the sink for the 76th time (jk. kinda). In reality, you are going through such an adjustment with your body, your hormones, your priorities, & your relationship that you are bound to have some moments where you wonder why the hell you decided procreating with such a fucking idiot was a good idea.
Speaking of drastic changes, your emotions will probably be all over the place. Today you hate your husband while tomorrow you cry at the thought of it never being just the two of you again (speaking from experience here). This is NORMAL. I promise. The work your body is putting in to get back to baseline is absolutely incredible, but it is a lot! Give yourself some grace. Feel the feelings, cry the tears, and stay away from those annoying parents on pregnancy apps!
I remember being terrified that I wouldn’t love my baby as much as my dog. HAHAHAHAHA. The first 2 months of my baby’s life I could not stand my dog! I have 2 dogs & 2 cats (a small zoo, I’m aware) and I can’t even tell you how many times I would call my husband while on maternity leave and tell him that we needed to get rid of the animals. Once again, normal! You’re not a bad dog parent. You’re not evil. You are a new human parent and any other living thing that requires attention can be overwhelming. Don’t worry, your pets will forgive you!
It took me a month before I felt a connection to my baby. I’ve never admitted that before, but I realize that I shouldn’t be ashamed. You spend 10 months preparing for this little human and you are told you will “love them so much it hurts” but they plop out and they’re just there. They are a little stranger you are forced to take care of night and day no matter how exhausted, sore, or overwhelmed you are. It can be a LOT. The first month is basically just trying to keep your baby alive with nothing in return. They are barely awake, they don’t say thank you, and they don’t care that you need sleep. If you are able to connect with your baby right away, that is fucking awesome. If not, it is O.K. The little sleepy stranger will soon be a giggling infant and you will know what it means to love someone “so much it hurts!”
With all of the things mentioned above, it is no wonder how we got here. I can vividly remember sitting on my couch next to my husband with tired eyes and leaking nipples saying “oh my gosh, what did we do.” UGH, typing that now breaks my heart because my son is the most amazing thing in my life but at the time…..wow, did I question things! If you find yourself reminiscing on your old life, missing the quiet time with your partner, or just longing for a hot cup of coffee and a warm breakfast. Once again, NORMAL.
If you are experiencing any of these for an extended period of time, please please please reach out to your doctor!